What If…? Pre-Christmas Edition
I was reminded that this is the Christmas season once again today as I went to the local Wal-Mart and heard the same old carols and songs that they start playing right after Halloween. Sometimes it drives a person crazy. It made me think of that classic Christmas song by Weird Al… you can watch it below.
With a sprig of mistletoe last night
He didn’t hear me creep down the stairs to have a peek
He thought he was home alone or I would have been dead meat
Then I saw Deadpool behead Santa Claus
He lifted up his beard and used a knife
How dead I would have been
If Deadpool had only seen
Me Watching Deadpool Kill Santa Claus last night!
I know, I am sick, but only sick of the rerun movies and music. How many frickin’ time can they run “Santa Baby?” Or those stupid puppies… ugh. Anyway, as you might be able to guess, this week my question has worldwide repercussions.
What if Deadpool killed Santa Claus?
My first thought is that he would probably kill him, then steal his clothes, or steal his clothes and then kill him, and jaunt around the world delivering presents and carnage to all little Christmas-believing boys and girls. All the other boys and girls can suck it. No presents for you from Deadpool Claus! And he doesn’t want milk and cookies. He wants beer and chimichangas.
Kids the world over would not be sad, they would be overjoyed that the merc with a mouth chose to grace them with his presence. Bad enough he was on so many alternate covers this year that people almost got sick of him. I mean, really, he has even been the main character in two of my columns this year. I promise, no more Deadpool columns this year.
This week is a short one folks, but I do ask you to leave me a message or better yet, send me some Tweets. You can tweet your self silly to @AceofBair (there is a little button under my picture below, too). Send me a note about what you want Deadpool Claus to bring you this year. Any that I receive by Sunday, December 22, could be featured in my last two What If…? Columns this year.
Go and shop and be all commercially and consumery. After all, only you can truly make a Wal-Mart greeter feel fulfilled. See you next week for more What If…?