Movies That Would Fail As Comics

I recently got an email asking me if I was ever going to review “Brokeback Mountain“.  I’m not gonna lie, that has to be at the very bottom of my list, as I have not seen that movie yet.  I know its about a Mountain that gets its back broken, but I don’t really know anything more than that.  I’m sure its funny, but I don’t plan on seeing it anytime in the near future.  But at some point I will get around to it though (To Scott R. from New Jersey)!

Have you ever seen a movie and thought to yourself,  ”This would make a terrific comic book series!”? While a lot of movies would translate well into comic book form, not everything would work out so well. So we here at Comic Booked have decided to look at a few movies that would make terrible comics and ponder the ways in which they’d work.

OFFICE SPACE (1999)

Why it wouldn’t work: I know let me guess?  You would totally buy an Office Space comic?  No you wouldn’t, and here’s why; the movie ended with no more office work.    Initech burned to the ground thanks to Milton who finally did the right thing.   Yes Peter may have gotten away with stealing all that money, but the only real friend he has left is Lawrence and all he ever wants Peter to do is look at boobs.  Peter left a computer tech job to become a construction worker. What an idiot.   Once his back starts locking up and Lawrence is having to help him sit down, he’ll start to realize what a kush job he had at Initech. Once again Peter is gonna start complaining about how hard he has it.

My solution to fix it:  Okay, so Peter is a lost cause, the guy just isn’t comic book material, but do you know who is?  The Bob’s.  That’s right Bob Porter and Bob Slydell, these two have the ability to take zany adventures going around being consultants and just being crazy.  Who knows… maybe the first issue they could go clean up Intertrode and have to fire Samir and Michael!   Maybe they decide to play on a “Jump to Conclusions Mat”! The possibilities are endless.

GROUNDHOG DAY (1993)

Why it wouldn’t work: For starters he broke the curse, no more February 2nd, all he had to do was not be a jerk for a whole day.  Apparently by the end of the film Phil and Rita fall in love and live happily ever after.   And that kid never once said “Thank You”!  He should of let that kid fall and then kicked him in the face.  I think the curse would have still ended.  The universe would have been pleased by it.

My solution to fix it:  Oayk, the whole reason it changed was due to Rita loving him and him not being an A-hole for an entire day.  But what happened on February 3rd?   I’ll tell ya, Phil started being a ninny muggins all over again because he didn’t know how the day would play out!  Can you see it!?  Phil has to constantly do EXACTLY as the universe wants every issue in order to go to the next day.   You know Rita would eventually catch on, she might even wonder how he did that Ice Sculpture so quickly. Things wouldn’t add up, so there we have our love drama.  And then once we get some new d-bag writer, he would just go through and save Aunt May and act like they were never together.  She is sooooo old!  Let the woman die Parker!

DONNIE DARKO (2001)

Why it wouldn’t work: Um, spoiler alert.  Donnie Darko sacrifices himself in order to reestablish time.  Darko fans don’t eat me alive, this is my all time favorite movie and even I know it wouldn’t be worthy of comic book format.  Do you want to know how I know that?  I fell asleep during S. Darko. It can’t even spawn a decent sequel!   The movie ends on such a super depressing note, who would want a sequel!?

My solution to fix it: The bullies! Seth Rogen and that guy from Phantom Planet!  Those guys were ready to take out Grandma Death before Donnie screwed everything up!  Who knows what awesome stuff was going to happen, and even though Donnie saved our timeline by getting smashed by a freaking jet engine, we still never get to see what those two clowns were up to!  Maybe they had discovered a loop hole in time also?  Well in my comic they did!  But they are here to create a new world, very similar to Biff World, Rogen-Phantom-Planet, is a world where there is and never was a Darko, the president would obviously be Jim Cunningham.  Can you imagine the horror!?  But wait, even in complete Darkness there is light.  Alternate time line Frank, who only has one eye, fights in his goofy bunny suit opening and jumping through portals, think Portal meets Donnie Darko meets Rogen-Phantom-Planet.

Have a movie you’d like to see made suitable for comics?

Nickfurious@comicbooked.com