1. Batman’s Nipples
”Hey, jerk. My face is up here.”
Bat Suit Capabilities: Sudden drop in room temperature indicator; Arousal Meter; Glass cutting
God bless the poor soul who birthed of this bat suit design and thought “Damn, I am good at my job. I don’t know why anyone didn’t put nipples on the bat suit before!” Most likely because no one wants to see the Batman fight crime while getting off by it simultaneously (even though that is possibly true).
“Batman, at first I thought you were just chilly…now I’m not so sure….”
2. Daredevil Candy
“What do you mean the set of Moonwalker called and wants this outfit back?”
Daredevil Suit Capabilities: Chaffing; Extreme Chaffing; Holds Ben Affleck
Pretty sure this is how the design of the costume went down:
Director: Do you have any ideas for the Daredevil costume yet?
Costume Designer: Yes, we were going to take original comic book design and tweak it just a hair.
Director: How so?
Costume Designer: By making it look super shiny like it was dipped in candle wax and leathery like an S&M person would wear it.
Costume Designer: Because that’s how blind people would make superhero costumes.
Costume Designer: I know.
And there you have it. The making of one of the worst modern superhero movie costumes.
3. Puff The Magic Galactus
“God’s cosmic fart.”
Galactus Capabilities: Floats; Poofs; Mists
Apparently, there was a deadline that had to be met when making Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Galactus seemed to be put on the back burner while the end was drawing nigh, which is why we got this lack of effort instead of the purple planet eater whom we all know and love. Once again, I can only imagine how it went down…
Director: HOLY CRAP!! We forgot to do a character design for Galactus!
Costume Designer: Who?
Director: Galactus! You know! That big boss the Fantastic 4 has to fight in the end!
Costume Designer: Ooooohhh… Hmmm. I have an idea. One sec.
Costume Designer: Wuddaya think?
Director: CGI Team!
Director: We need a character design for Glactus! STAT!
CGI: Hmmm… When is the movie Premiere?
CGI: Well, on our lunch break today, me and the boys made this short film about a space fart floating around.
CGI: I know.