Thursday 18th December 2014,
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CBH Report: Lex Luthor Not Happy With Election Results

Nick Furious 11/08/2012 Reviews

Yesterday the world found out that President Obama was going to stay in office for another four years.  Today the world found out who was a sore loser and who wasn’t.  One sore loser sticks out the most, as he demanded the press know how he feels on the subject.  According to the former President, he felt things were “screwy and wishy-washy”.  He also talked about how much he hated Superman, but that really isn’t the point of the article at hand.   At first CBH Report told him they weren’t interested, but he explained there was little hope for our families if we didn’t comply.   So ladies and gentlemen here is former President Alexander Joseph Luthor:

CBH Report: Mr. Luthor tell us what is on your mind

Lex Luthor: Glad you asked.  Recently it has come to my attention that Obama has won the election.  I feel like America has made a mistake.

CBH Report: What do you mean by mistake?

Lex Luthor: Mitt Romney is exactly what the world needs.  It is the world I crave.  He has ambition beyond that of any President we have ever had.   I saw him as a Young Doomsday.

CBH Report: You say that like it is a good thing

Lex Luthor: It is.  Or I guess I should say it could.  I see Romney as someone who could one day take over LexCorp, continue my quest to rule- I mean fix the world.

CBH Report: Were you about to say rule the world?

Lex Luthor: Does it matter?

CBH Report: Um yeah it sort of does-

Lex Luthor: I don’t like arrogant pigs like this Barack Obama.  Shouldn’t he be worried about other things in the world than appearing on the tv all the time?  Doesn’t he have an entire country to run yet he is making a NCAA March Madness Bracket?

CBH Report: You didn’t exactly fix the nation while you were President…didn’t Gotham’s very own Dark Knight take you out of office?

Lex Luthor: No comment.  What people don’t seem to understand is that Romney is the kind of guy that would take out Superman.  He has the intelligence and the demonic abilities to do so.  Romney has the ability to stop the Justice League if need be.

CBH Report: Romney has the ability to take out Superman?

Lex Luthor: Yes, Mitt is the tallest Leprechaun ever.  And everyone knows how leprechaun’s are so powerful.

CBH Report: (Long Pause) Am I supposed to ask you how leprechaun’s are so powerful-

Lex Luthor: Magic.  Superman’s only weakness.

CBH Report: Okay this is getting ridiculous

Lex Luthor: You’re getting ridiculous.

CBH Report: Alright Luthor anything you would like to say to our readers?

Lex Luthor: Yes three things.  Romney you are welcome to join the Legion of Doom.  We are a fun group of guys that just like to goof around.  Take things to the next level.  Definitely your kind of people.  Second, Lois Lane… you are a troll faced monster for not writing my press piece.  And three, I want to express my sincere apologies to America for the whole President thing.   But the way, I was asked to leave the Oval Office: Not cool.

Lex Luthor Pledge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I'm the 616 version

  1. Madison Miller 11/09/2012 at 8:58 pm

    This is hilarious, not to mention extremely creative! I really enjoyed this and was thoroughly entertained; definitely worth the read! I remember, during the campaign, reading an article that compared Romney to Luthor. I was stunned by exactly how fitting some of the parallels were and I love the idea that Luthor would have endorsed, or at least supported Romney. I could see him being considerably bitter over Romney's loss.

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