Batman Recommends: How to Keep Busy Until Dark Knight Rises
6. Dress the Part
Display your affection for your favorite masked vigilante by wearing a cotton-based torso-covering fabric that features a poorly printed Batman logo, or, head over to Society6.com. There you can search “batman” and find about 23 pages of artist rendered representations of me that can be printed on t-shirts or hung as wall art. Some of them truly are worthy of Wayne Manor and choosing just one may be hard. Not for me though, I’M BATMAN! I can buy anything! Some of my favorite picks can be found on my Pinterest board here.
5. Play with Alfred
I’m keeping this separate from the toy section because it deserves a place of its own. There is an action figure… of Alfred. That’s right, “action.” Now before you think to yourself “what the heck can I do with a 6-inch replica of Alfred Pennyworth?” I submit to you the following list of perfectly reasonable and practical uses.
- Make him clean your 99-room mansion even though he’s a senior citizen and you’re a superhero.
- Make him drive you to fancy parties and then let him wait outside and watch you talk up all the hot models.
- Tell him he’s an enabler and Batman was his idea. (This is a great thing to do while he sews your stitches or realigns your backbone.)
- When he starts talking about Burma, tune him out and start humming the Batman Theme in your head.
- When he makes you soup, spit it in his face and ask why it’s cold even though you know it’s supposed to be cold.
- Make him drive your one-night stands home in the morning.
- Never laugh at his jokes. Only smile enough to acknowledge you realize he’s not dead yet.
If you want to know if the action figure comes with anything don’t be greedy. You just got yourself the best friend a man could have, aside from Ace the Bathound.