It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that Video Games don’t translate very well to film. Don’t believe me? Feel free to check out Super Mario Bros, Street Fighter, and Doom. Those aren’t necessarily the worst but they most certainly aren’t the best. Video Games have been getting a bad rap as movies for as long as I can remember but usually rightfully so. Still, there have been successful movie franchises out of a few; specifically the Resident Evil franchise which went above and beyond to be nothing like the game and crush all of our hopes and dreams into the ground. Check out the Box Office revenue and you will see regardless of Resident Evil being nothing like the game it has been a huge success. With technology at an all time high and special effects at the peak of perfection there is no better time than now to bring these titles to the forefront and get crackin’ on what is sure to be “Box Office Gold”. There will be ten installments which will feature five video games a piece to ensure I don’t make your eyes bleed. Got one you think I missed? Let me know in the comments section below! Happy Gaming!
21. PaRappa the Rapper – Yeah I went there. What? Okay,so maybe PaRappa shouldn’t be ranked 21 but that game was so unique! Unlike anything that had been released it paved the way for big hits like Rock Band, Sing Star, and Guitar Hero. None of which are on this list. A love story for the ages, PaRappa the Rapper and SunnyFunny, two names that rhyme. Oh shit! Here comes Joe Chin who doesn’t belong with Sunny Funny; his name doesn’t even rhyme! But of course Joe seems to think otherwise which brings us to one of the most hilarious plots ever. PaRappa decides to learn Karate at a Dojo only to wind up having to do rap battles. All I ask is that the movie get an unrated special ending where PaRappa Sunny Funny and Katy Kat have that threesome you can win by beating it on “Cool” Mode! Or maybe they don’t have a threesome I dunno I never beat it. But who wouldn’t want to see a Hot 2-D Threesome? This movie could also open doors for Paper Mario who also won’t be appearing on this list because we already have one paper-thin hero.
22 .Battletoads – It would be an absolute crime to not add the hardest game I have ever played. I have gotten angry playing games. I have flung my controller across the room and screamed at the game itself. However I have never had the kind of temper tantrums that accompany Battletoads. Even though I am so remarkably proud of myself for ever beating it, I never once beat it a second time. Wait we were talking about movies weren’t we? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have hit the big screen so why not Battletoads? Isn’t it time for Rash, Zitz, and Pimple to have their time to shine? If you have never played this game some of the levels are insane with how much they vary, which is a dream come true to any movie producer. And just think… when we hit Battletoads III: Battletoads in Time we already have a pretty good premise: Rash and Zitz stop Pimple and the Princess from taking a Joyride for no reason and causing all hell to break loose. I hope Pimple feels like a real dick for that move.
23. Super Mario Bros. – I’m sure we would all like to forget about the abomination known as Super Mario Bros. The Movie, but it happened and we just have to move on. I hate jumping on a bandwagon but if its cool to do why not? REBOOT! This time cast some actors who are worthy of being Mario and Luigi! And Dennis Hopper as Bowser!? NO! The world of CGI is pretty much gorgeous at this point. Super Mario Bros. definitely needs this. You have a fantastic villain in King Bowser, a damsel in distress Princess Peach and some great supporting characters, Mario’s freeloading brother Luigi, Toad, and Mushrooms which make you grow. And Warp Pipes! This is one movie that I can not believe Hollywood hasn’t revisited! If Judge Dredd and Total Recall can get reboots why can’t Mario!? My only request: Make it absolutely NOTHING like the previous movie. Oh and please never make Mario Sunshine the Movie.
24. Street Fighter II – After seeing Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, it has become painfully obvious that it can get worse than Street Fighter The Movie. I love Kristin Kruek as much as the next guy but that movie is just awful! I still think Ryu and Ken are the people that make this movie something beautiful. Every character has this very interesting backstory (for being a Video Game in the 80’s and 90’s) but you just can’t phone this movie in. It takes so much to make a movie work these days, everyone is a critic, especially assholes like me who write blogs. But Street Fighter has everything it needs to be a success! M. Bison is a great villain. Oh and the one thing that no seems to get; these people HAVE to have powers! That is half the reason why the game is so freaking awesome! Not every character has to be in the movie but you also can’t just throw in Chun Li and Charlie and hope the movie makes money. Still, just Street Fighter II, not Street Fighter II: Turbo. Just Street Fighter II characters. This property is just waiting to soar if someone could really put some blood sweat and tears into it this movie could be huge.
25. Naughty Bear – It gives me great pleasure to add one of the most original and entertaining games to this list. Naughty Bear is exactly what it sounds like. The story of a Bear that goes naughty. And by naughty I mean he becomes a murdering psychopath. Long story short, Naughty Bear lives on Perfection Island and it looks to be a very happy place until we find out that not all bears are accepted even though they try to be good people. Naughty Bear finds out he isn’t invited to a birthday party but gets them a gift regardless. When the other Bears see the gift they laugh at Naughty Bear which causes him to become a Bear killing psychopath. R-Rated Animations are very rare in this day and age, although I think it is an art that is destined to make a comeback. There is not a better video game franchise for this except maybe Conkers Bad Fur Day or Leisure Suit Larry (both of which did not make this list) but this is a bit more original and in a sick disturbing way “artsy”. By the way, the game has horrible gameplay; if you haven’t played it you can probably avoid it.